I Died Three Times

There is a saying in the sporting world that states ‘An athlete dies twice,’ once when he retires and again at the end of life. When I fell at 160kph in a speed skiing race I was blessed not to die but on the inside I did. My identity was stripped away, and I felt like I had lost part of who I was. My world up until the near fatal crash had been totally dedicated to skiing. My shattered right leg was now metal; and with twelve months of rehabilitation my sporting career was in ruins. Emotionally I was wrecked– who was I? I had no idea!

Several years on I was back competing, against doctor’s order – this time racing endurance on the Irish Equestrian Team. I was doing what I do best – competing. For eight years I competed in all the major international events as one of the top six Irish riders. That was until a major incident that meant for the first time, I hadn’t qualified for the World Equestrian Games. My world literally fell apart – I was unable to process this failure and I went into meltdown. In my book ‘Racing on Empty,’ I wrote “It was like something inside of me had died.” The sense of loss and feeling of emptiness was indescribable. I look back and say yes, I died twice – but there was a third imminent death approaching.

I was in a dark emotional place – one that felt like a bottomless pit with no way out. But it was in my despair that I came face to face with God. Whilst standing in His presence I suddenly realized I had it all wrong – I needed to let go of controlling my destiny and hand my life over to the one who loved me more than anyone. In that moment I experienced sudden peace and freedom – all the pressure, burdens and deadlines I’d created were removed. I cried tears of joy – I felt a freedom I had never experienced before – It was a freedom that allowed me to be me – I knew then that my identity was not based on what I achieved or what I did. I was unique and loved by my Creator and He had a plan for my life – one that would give me everlasting life and no more emotional deaths. The question then is how I died a third time?  In surrendering my life to God, I died – the old me passed away and the new one was born. In a twinkling of an eye my world had turned upside down. I was a new person.

 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old had gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

And yes, there is a fourth death coming - but this one is a rebirth – where death and sorrow no longer exist.